I Mudded a WRX, Because Dumbass

"Jay Lauer" (thefaultinourcars) 12/06/2013 at 11:02 • Filed to: None

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Because Rally Car, right?

So you've seen the picture now, there's no undoing it. I took everything that I was told about the WRX's capabilities as a rally car and an overall tough bird, and I threw it all away. Some of you may be wondering what would come upon a man to do such a ridiculous thing. Some of you might be wondering why the Subaru above doesn't have camber plates and stance. However, most of you are probably wondering why nobody ever took my WRX away from me for being such a monumental twat.

Like any good story, I should start from the beginning. I'm not going to Tarantino any of this shit and confuse you. So a young, oblivious clot (lets call him "me") stumbles his way out of the back door of a Pizza Hut, just getting off his morning shift !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . He turned it on, fumbled through his iPod for his Jason Mraz song, and revved the engine so he could hear the sweet sound of a turbocharged boxer running through a straight pipe ( get at me, State Department.)

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

As he let the heavy scent of the buffalo wings he had stolen waft through the cabin, he had eager anticipation at the thoughts of what he could do with the rest of the day. At the time, none of those thoughts included mudding.

He made it roughly 4.2 miles from his place of employment before coming upon two large pits of the side of the highway. It was slightly drizzly and he had the whole day still under his feet. But, none of those things really mattered. He had always wanted to get his Subaru properly dirty, because god d***it that's what you're supposed to do.

Mudding? Group B Rallying? Close enough. Same thing to the untrained brain. If Ken Block can do it in them Gukihammer videos, than so can I. So, he pulled off the highway and headed straight for a slap in the face. From personal experience, I can tell you of two questions that never once entered my mind. Even better than that, I can tell you the answers:

What are my tires like?

Street tires. You're running on street tires, you fool.

What condition are my street tires in?

Bald.

I'm switching back to first person now. I'll take off the vail of mystery. It's me. I'm the mop from this story.

After heading for the first pit, it was everything that I dreamed of. The car slid right through with the ease of slick ice. The AWD made it safe and hugely predictable as I drifted around construction equipment. Mud was flying from the wheel wells and strangely barely touching my car. The last bit is crucial because being a proper clot, I wanted my WRX so barely be silver so I could impress all of my friends with my brazenness and rugged manliness.

It was great. It was safe, exciting, and greatly at the expense of the construction crew's disgust the next day. It was the bunny slope of mudding. And like most bunny slopes, I got bored and tried a new hill.

Enter Pit #2

Don't let this image fool you. That's f***ing quicksand. If only I had known.

I enter in, balls-deep, ready to blast my way through the Pearly Gates blaring Foreigner. I pedal to the floor about halfway until I get that feeling many men, and only men, get in the bottom of their gut.

Oh shit.

I decide to bail with my pride and integrity, but God still has to smack some sense into a certain incompetent pizza delivery guy. I gun for a small opening in the tree-line that could possibly take me back to sweet, sweet pavement. But sadly, I don't have the luxury of grip. Eventually, by the magic of Subaru AWD and speed, I make it near the end and come closer to civilization and one less story idea for OppositeLock. As I approach my ticket home, I see two concerning obstacles on either side of my exit. On my right, I have a frayed-off chain-link fence that I may be about to hit, and on my left, I have a rather large cinder-block pillar with the potential to take away my next paycheck.

With my car's and my bank account's safety now in the air, my driving tone went from balls-to-the-wall rebel-heart mountain-man to slow-and-cautious tax auditor. Word of advice to everyone, don't ever pick the latter, and here's why. I made the one mistake you don't ever do when mud is involved.

I slowed down.

The rest is history. I slowed down and....... thunk . "Okay, now what?" I crawl through and over the backseats and put on my big rubber boats. Seriously, thank tha lawd Jesus I had those on deck. And, I get out and survey the severity of my idiocy.

I take one step out and.... thump . Down to my knee. Like I said, it was f***in quicksand. The shit was so thick and deep I, and others, found ourselves pulling ourselves out using the roof rack and roof rails.

After a rather long walk-around, damn you quicksand-mud, I shuck it off as 'not-that-bad' and step back in my car about to attempt to Jeremy Clarkson my way out of my catastrophe.

Now I'm further in the quicksand-mud. Great.

I consider my options. Luckily, I'm only about 9 miles from my house, so by dinnertime I should in the bottom of somebody's well. Also luckily, the first person I thought to call with a truck was about 400 miles away that day. So, I perched up against the car for a think (the first one I had all day.)

I called a friend with a truck who gladly helped me in a time of need. After bringing over his F-150 to the scene, we tied it up to the tow hook on the back of my Subaru.

Spinning tires, from the Ford.

He came by to check the hook and.... flumph . Sunk down to his mid-thigh (he's a bigger guy than I) Damn you, quicksand-mud.

After an amount of time longer than I'd like to admit on the Internet, we called an actual adult who owned a 2012 Dodge 3500. Surely, that would pull me out like I was a kid on a sled. Nope. The new Dodge Ram uses an electronic 4x4 system that gets flummoxed by the sight and mud and decided it should get stuck roughly five feet into the pit. Thanks a lot, Dodge.

For good measure, we decided to rope the Dodge to the Ford to Subaru. Rope-ception. Surely the brute force of two 3/4 ton 4x4 man-machine pickups could pull a dintzy little Subaru-wagon out of some dirt.

Spinning tires, from the Ford and the Dodge.

This quicksand-mud was looking for a sacrifice, but it wasn't going to get it today. We quickly used our redneck cunning and in typical redneck fashion, it was convenient for us and a huge pain-in-the-ass for everybody else.

The gentleman with the Dodge 3500 also owns a number of rock-crawler Jeep Wranglers equipped with the proper tool for my predicament; a winch.

One problem remained; it may not appear so in the picture, but the front of the Subaru was beached on the mud so hard you couldn't fit your pinky in between. #LowAsF***kkkkk. So I, and I alone, had to break out the handy hoe and shovel and dig out the front of that bitch myself. Once said bitch was dug out, I attached the winch end to the sway bar and hoped for the best.

+ Now, before I get comments about that being bad for the car, 1) You're right, it is. 2) We had been at this venture for roughly 4 HOURS. We were all tired and hungry. 3) I was sick of getting rained on for the past four hours. 4) Because F*** it 5) Because Dumbass

However God was not going to let us off that easily. Clearly, I had learned anything yet, and I had been far too lucky with the resourceful friends I know, so I needed a nice curveball thrown at me; a real puzzler. So the winch turned on and...

The Jeep was being pulled into the Subaru.

As some of you may know, rock-crawler Wranglers are very light vehicles. Some say they're lighter than 04 Subaru WRX Wagons. Some people are right. But luckily, redneck cunning comes back into play.

With four grown men standing in the back of a Wrangler and hoped for the best. After three different brushes with pulling off the front bumper, we were finally successful. The WRX was unstuck, and it way past dark out and I bid the quicksand-mud a nice f*** you.

I bought dinner that night. An expensive one.

Addendum:

Some of you may be interested in what happened after I escaped the quicksand-mud. For those of you who have mudded before may know, I have a excessive amount of wheel wobble. About six times through the manual car-wash and a good three hours of just scooping mud from underneath was involved, and only then did the car look exactly the same as when I started.

Damage List -

- Car Washes: $8.75

- Oil Filter: $5.00

I'm just as shocked. I expected real damage to my bank account.

MooseKnuckles > Jay Lauer 12/06/2013 at 11:11

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Those hi-hoes are just sitting there mocking you. Too bad it wasn't Monday at 9:15am and you had a case of beer with you, an operator would've gladly got you unstuckered.

My buddy did something similar, but it was with an Intrepid that had been converted to a field car (conversion consisted of taking insurance off of it), he ended up sinking it past the door sills. Hour tractor drive there, about 30min to get out, hour tractor drive home.

Jay Lauer > MooseKnuckles 12/06/2013 at 11:16

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Well it's kind of a catch 22. Even if it were Monday morning, the amount of rain and mud would mean that they wouldn't be working. If it were dry enough, I wouldn't be there.

BeaterGT > Jay Lauer 12/06/2013 at 11:16

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Awesome. Props for getting your Soob out of a parking lot and into it's natural territory!

Jay Lauer > BeaterGT 12/06/2013 at 11:25

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Well I would take it down fast curvy dirt roads quite often. I think that's much more it's natural habitat than is a mudpit.

It's a "Porch-uh" > Jay Lauer 12/06/2013 at 11:29

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You sensor "damnit" but not "shit?"

Jay Lauer > It's a "Porch-uh" 12/06/2013 at 11:31

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I'm going by TV censorship rules just in case.

HoonQueen > Jay Lauer 12/06/2013 at 12:03

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I wouldn't call you a dumbass. It looks like you made a miscalculation and/or bit off a bit more than your subie could chew (bald street tires, etc.), but at least you took your wrx out into its natural habitat! A lot of scoobs are Precious Street Queens (to each their own though, really), so it's nice to see one mudding it up. Getting stuck happens, nbd. Glad there wasn't any major damage!

jariten1781 > Jay Lauer 12/06/2013 at 12:13

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I've so been there.

Back in high school I was in a convoy with a couple guys who were sorta friends as we were heading to a party or something at like 5pm. 80s F150 up front, followed by a gen 1 Protege, me/gf in my 91 Prelude, some chicks behind in us in a rust bucket 80s camaro vert. Just cruising along some bolt straight farm roads in nowhere Oklahoma when the F-150 decides to pull over. Turns out that some poor farmer left a gate open and the pick-up driver decides he wants to go tear up that damp field.

So he's out there doing some sloppy teenage doughnuts in the field when the guy in the Protege thinks 'that looks fun' and proceeds to join him. All's well for a bit and they come back to convince me and the girls that we all need to join them. Girls are like whatever "Sure!", but somehow I avoided teenage stupidity that day and was all "fuck that".

10 minutes or so later the first signs of trouble as the girls get stuck. No biggie, hook up a tow strap and the pick-up jerks them out (while hilariously spraying mud all over the interior of the still top down Camaro).

In the meantime, the protege has managed to get itself totally beached on the front end. F-150 cannot get it out. Since this is before the era of ubiquitous cell phones I get the job of driving to the 7-11 that's about 10 miles away to call up a couple other guys to try to assemble a crew of dumb teenage kids with big trucks to pull out the unfortunate protege. Turns out no one I could think of were at home so I travel back to break the news.

Upon returning I notice that the F-150 and Camaro have disapeared, and in there place is a nice big, somewhat rusty John Deere. Apparently when Mr. Farmer showed up the other guys bailed leaving just the dude and his Protege to take the fall for the whole mess.

So the strangely silent guy hooks up a rope to the rear end of the car, hops in the tractor and proceeds to rip the the car out, drag it to the road, and leave it. His method of extraction pretty much destroys the entire rear end of the car. Then he says the only thing I heard him say the entire time: "If mommy decides to fix that piece of shit don't ever drive it down this road again".

So I give former protege driver a lift to the 7-11 and give him a pile of quarters for the payphone and finally, after a couple hours head on to wherever we were going. Whenever I remember that story I think about how lucky I am that, for some reason, I didn't act like a dumbass 16 year old that day.

Takuro Spirit > Jay Lauer 12/06/2013 at 12:46

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Been there

Done that

Learned my lesson the hard way, never did it again.

Until I got my lifted wagon on Grabber AT2's, that is. Never got that thing stuck.

Scary__goongala! > Jay Lauer 12/06/2013 at 13:14

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mudded a 99' base Malibu on an atv trail. similar situation, thankfully much easier to solve.

You can tell a Finn but you can't tell him much > Jay Lauer 12/06/2013 at 15:33

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In your tool kit there is a large eye bolt. It screws in to the socket on the inboard end of this. At least I'm assuming that is where it screws in, as on my '07 there is a little panel on the front bumper right about there that pops out to reveal the proper hole. I discovered this because I had my car beached in snowbank during a blizzard. The driveway was too narrow to get a vehicle past me to tow out backward with the rear tow point, and I didn't know there was a tow point on the front end. So we managed to push it out with much digging and swearing and slipping and falling. After that I decided I should figure out a way to be able to tow my car from the front.

Jay Lauer > You can tell a Finn but you can't tell him much 12/06/2013 at 19:01

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Very good eye. I actually looked up where a front tow point could be when I was stuck. Thats why the fog light cover is pulled off in all of the photos.

Sadly, I've already sold the WRX and bought a BMW. But, I definitely am open to buying another WRX afterwards, so I'll keep it in mind. Works out, cause I would've wanted an 06-07 anyway. Not a huge fan of the haweye, I think the blobeye looks better, but it's has a lot of better updates mechanically.

Jay Lauer > Scary__goongala! 12/06/2013 at 19:02

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lulz nice!

Jay Lauer > Takuro Spirit 12/06/2013 at 19:07

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Nice Subaru! At least they're being taken off pavement. Newer cars aren't all that brittle, so why not take them on dirt, or mud.....

People look at me like I'm mad when I drive my BMW on dirt. I'm certainly not going to take it near mud, but its an AWD Bimmer, so why not do some Ken Block shit.

Ad_absurdum_per_aspera > Jay Lauer 12/06/2013 at 19:43

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I can think of something much worse than this poignantly picaresque misadventure and maybe even worse than bouncing off the obstacles. It's three or four feet ahead and to the right.

Looks as though the mud there is already slumping toward either a drainage ditch or some kind of sinkhole. Looks unstable. Looks deeper than it looks.

Get the front end into that, and you might have some expensive important fully hot car parts submerged in that sticky deep gumbo — and it might have remained there until things dried out or froze enough to dig it out without making things even worse, so that you could pass a sling under it and bribe one of the backhoe guys to lift it.

As someone who's gotten a car or three mired in my day, I can symphathize!

Zoom > Jay Lauer 12/07/2013 at 02:14

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The Dodge/Jeep thing is worth it's weight in goldspeckledmud. Dodge did it's Jeep thing way back to '94.

I'm ck'ing into this etxcase thing with the 2500, though. I dissappoint.

PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power > Jay Lauer 12/09/2013 at 22:49

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I like the plates on the Chevy SUV in the garage. I don't think god was your only problem when you got stuck, my friend. hehehe

banjo cat ghost of oppo past > Jay Lauer 12/09/2013 at 22:53

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Time & place...and yeah, momentum and tires. To his credit my college friend from Japan with an old impreza (he bought from an old lady to do this) twisted my arm until I went with him. Won my class it was fun. '08 Wolfsburg 5spd magna grip snowtires

Not great temporarily blinded by pitch black mud flying towards a courseworker wearing a sweaty borrow helmet. Leaving the wipers on meant scratching the windshield. I was flooring it the whole time, as was everyone else and that's what it took the mud was so deep. Like to think I made good use of momentum, left foot braking and the e brake.

...also once I popped a low inflated tire off my Audi Coupe in highschool doing axis spins on ice and blamed it on a cat

TheOnelectronic > Jay Lauer 12/09/2013 at 23:04

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Forget the haters. You're a real american hero.

Jay Lauer > TheOnelectronic 12/09/2013 at 23:23

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Thanks!

WayDude > Jay Lauer 12/09/2013 at 23:23

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1. What kind of BMW?

and

2. When do we get to see it in the mud?!

Jay Lauer > banjo cat ghost of oppo past 12/09/2013 at 23:25

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If you got away with your cat fib then you sir, are the King of Lies.

Balls of steel for mudding a FWD car.

TheOnelectronic > Zoom 12/09/2013 at 23:25

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WAT

Jay Lauer > WayDude 12/09/2013 at 23:26

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E46 330xi. And I assure you, It won't see a mud pit anytime soon. It's seen dirt roads and snow, but it's way to finnicky and brittle for mud.

Jay Lauer > PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power 12/09/2013 at 23:28

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That Chevy got what it deserved for being an overweight hell-spawn of a car.

rallycardelta > Jay Lauer 12/09/2013 at 23:36

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Here is how you make a WRX dirty...and not get stuck. :)

I salute you brave sir. Way to avoid ripping it apart underneath.

WayDude > Jay Lauer 12/09/2013 at 23:40

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Nice choice, I was looking at similar. But I will still keep our 09 WRX.

Jay Lauer > WayDude 12/09/2013 at 23:42

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I wouldn't mind a good 08-up WRX Hatch if I could get one cheap enough, but the deal was just way too good to pass up the Bimmer.

But anyway, I'll probably sell it in the spring or something and look for another project.

MIATAAAA > Jay Lauer 12/09/2013 at 23:54

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Hey - better than those with fancy 4X4s that have never seen the darkness of mud pits.

I'm proud of you!

And congrats on the lack of damage. Learning lessons the easy way isn't so bad! :)

midnightautoparts > Jay Lauer 12/09/2013 at 23:54

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PLEASE tell me the Foreigner song was "Feels like the first time"!!!!!

Trevor > Jay Lauer 12/09/2013 at 23:55

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Anchor Jeep with one of the trucks, winch car out.

Jay Lauer > midnightautoparts 12/09/2013 at 23:57

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Close, but no enchilada.

Whitesnake - "Here I Go Again"

Jay Lauer > Trevor 12/09/2013 at 23:58

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Four fat Kansans weigh roughly one Dodge pickup. Basically, same effect.

Zoom > TheOnelectronic 12/09/2013 at 23:59

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Sry, too many beers.

Dodge switched frt suspension to link/coil way back....'94. It really plants the axle.

But the Dodge e-txcase part of the story really sucks ass. What happened?

schwartz > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 01:35

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puddler > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 01:59

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thanks very much for that, made my night. hopefully i can dumbass tomorrow.

AKBrian > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 02:09

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Nice adventure! I spent a good seven hours stuck in the quicksand (silty river muck) after taking an unfortunate detour under an old bridge in my Suzuki this fall.

Called a friend to pull me out with his Tacoma, but he ended up getting stuck too. He called his friend, and over the course of another hour they alternated getting stuck and unstuck, pulling me out in parallel and ultimately pulling me out in series.

Mud's pretty evil. Silty quicksand mud? Screw that, man.

Before:

This looks nice, I'll just turn around under this bridge and park...

Er, maybe not.

Sigh.

Yeah, I'm not going anywhere. I have a full skidplate on the front, which is normally great. In this situation, it suctioned me permanently in place.

Tried shoveling for a bit, only succeeded in creating a pool of glacial silt and non-newtonian mud, as well as bending the handle of my shovel.

Seven hours and two trucks with diff locks later...

A derpface is me.

d1ck > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 07:03

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I've got an 03 330xi as well. Just in case you're wondering it also has tow point in the front and rear. There's a toolkit on the underside of the trunk lid with the screwdriver (for popping off tow point cover) and eye bolt.

VirgilMungo > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 07:41

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Yep. Another mop discovered the opposite is also true- want to implement another man move and turn around with a powerslide on a gravel road? With a WRX, this may not happen and you will instead conduct a rapid AWD faceplant into a cut bank beside said gravel road and bash the foglight and fender sufficiently to do about $1500 in bodywork for no good reason. And here our dumb paths converge, at learning what in retrospect was obvious.

MichaelJPerez > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 07:58

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2nd that nomination

David E. Davis > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 08:13

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drdude > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 08:27

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TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 08:33

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That's okay, we've all been there.

PogosRevenge > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 08:42

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PogosRevenge > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 08:42

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PogosRevenge > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 08:42

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PogosRevenge > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 08:42

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PogosRevenge > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 08:42

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PogosRevenge > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 08:42

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PogosRevenge > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 08:42

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PogosRevenge > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 08:46

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Been there done that. Yet another reason to love Jeep Wranglers. I wouldn't give mine up for fame or fortune.

Airmon > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 09:10

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My brother an I did more or less the same thing about two decades ago with his '76 Subaru.

We were deep in the woods, amazing ourselves with how well the narrow 4x4 could maneuver down paths that no jeep or truck could navigate. Later, when we were stuck and no Jeep or Truck could get down there to help us, we were less thrilled.

Several cold hours later with the assistance a come-along, branches under the tires and much digging we were free.

I'd like to say that we learned something that day, but the two of us have had subsequent car experiences that would indicate that we didn't.

Menebrio > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 09:27

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Had two friends that got in a similar situation out by the river. Well, they where more in the middle of nowhere, and I remember just getting a message saying, "we're in a pickle."

Dolemite > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 09:27

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That image of the car sunk down in the mud reminds me of the time we went to the beach. There's a section of this beach where you are allowed to drive your ATVs, trucks, etc.. About 25 feet past where the asphalt turns to sand there were 4 elderly people in a Subaru, sunk down in the sand like that.

Turbod-NA-Miata > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 10:01

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Jay, you need to include dinner in the damage costs. Labor isn't free, and resourceful friends who don't hate your ass for this little stunt are true friends, and that's priceless. You got off cheap.

I've found a few wet, muddy, formerly grass, parking lots in my Bugeye. Amazing machines if they're limits are respected. I've fortunately never been able to get mine stuck.

caddyak > banjo cat ghost of oppo past 12/10/2013 at 10:03

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I did the exact same thing with my '07 Rabbit! I had Altimax Arctic snow tires on steelies and was running low on fucks.

This is not that occasion, but it is that car and setup. God I miss that thing.

The Biebster's got a P71 (Formerly not Justin Bieber) > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 10:18

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FCC guidelines would call for you to censor "shit", but not "damnit". "Shit" is indecent but technically "damnit" is fine because it isn't referring to any sexual or excretory organs or acts.

CharlesC > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 10:25

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I'll just leave these here...... took a tractor after we snapped a towrope and 2 3/4 tons couldn't get us out. Oh and the nice farmer who helped us got his diesel stuck too. 5 hours later we were out.

Blknytro > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 10:37

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Rally all the subbies!

GreenN_Gold > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 11:36

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You Foreigner song was Whitesnake? I feel like you're playing Head Games with us.

Jay Lauer > CharlesC 12/10/2013 at 12:01

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OH SHIT.

Jay Lauer > Turbod-NA-Miata 12/10/2013 at 12:03

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Dinner was very expensive. $120 worth, so they got their revenge.

Jay Lauer > AKBrian 12/10/2013 at 12:04

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Is the AWD really any good on the Suzuki's? My impressions was that it used a heavily front-biased system.

Jay Lauer > schwartz 12/10/2013 at 12:04

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NICE!

Jay Lauer > The Biebster's got a P71 (Formerly not Justin Bieber) 12/10/2013 at 12:10

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I censored damnit just because there was "god" in front of it. I'm not well verses in FCC regulations, but I just assumed that wasn't allowed.

Some shows I've seen lately have used "shit" a lot; must be a TV-MA situation. Either way, it's done. I'm not going to bother to switch around my sensors.

Jay Lauer > GreenN_Gold 12/10/2013 at 12:15

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Oh shit, I forgot I had Foreigner in the article.

There's only three Foreigner songs on my iPod, so it was either "Hot Blooded" "Feel Like the First Time" or "I Want to Know What Love Is"

GreenN_Gold > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 12:36

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You got a lot of butt rock going on. I fully condone all of this.

The Biebster's got a P71 (Formerly not Justin Bieber) > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 12:53

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"God" is ok, as are goddamn, damn, hell, etc. Shit isn't technically allowed but the FCC guidelines are based around "public feeling" or something (I'm not sure exactly how they word it), which means that basically if no one complains about them saying "shit," it's ok. I wouldn't expect you to switch it, nor is this an FCC-monitored broadcast, lol. I'm in radio so I thought I would share what I know.

Turbod-NA-Miata > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 13:04

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Money well spent. You'd spend the same getting a wrecker to pull you out, and now you and your buddies have a story to laugh about forever. Years from now the money will be long forgotten.

I drive a car because the road feels like passion of gods of excellent excitement > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 13:42

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I did the exact opposite.

I traded my 2005 E46 ZHP for an 04 STi.

I see you are experiencing those... finicky issues already.

banjo cat ghost of oppo past > caddyak 12/10/2013 at 13:47

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Yah that 5cyl turned out to be a great engine...trans and chassis I miss it just like the Audi...like the deserts miss the rain /feel silly for not buying it outright. The ESP stayed off but that rallyx carved the sh*t out of the tires being upstate NY farm plot thank gad I still sold them.

oldgov > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 14:30

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I played this game in 2009 with my bugeye (normally black in color).

It had a snorkel delete so after a couple of Colin McRae Memorial laps at my friend's farm I ended up clogging my air filter and destroyed my maf.

Cleaned at least a pound of mud and grass off the air filter, unplugged the maf so the ecu would run off the backup map sensor, and limped it home...

Jay Lauer > I drive a car because the road feels like passion of gods of excellent excitement 12/10/2013 at 15:10

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The car was a bit of a fixer-upper when I bought it, but even after the big things were taken care of, it still likes to throw out codes every other week or so.

Lately, my mileage has turned to shit due to an O2 code, which I really don't want to replace. I've cleaned all the O2s and ran one Seafoam through the tank to start.

The thing that started to bug me about the Subaru was was the interior. It was rather loud and windy, the stereo sucked, and it was all cheap. I bought the 02 WRX seats which are AMAZING. , but the E46 is a much, much nicer to place to sit in.

There's pros and cons to both, so I really wouldn't mind owning either one twice. But, I like trying new (to me) cars, so I'll buy something different after the BMW.

BTW: I would've loved to have gotten a ZHP. 6MT? I just happened to get an insane deal on a 330xi, so I went with it.

Jay Lauer > oldgov 12/10/2013 at 15:12

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Jesus, somebody goes HAM in their Subaru.

At least you didn't take Ken Block rally approach and flip it...

Jay Lauer > The Biebster's got a P71 (Formerly not Justin Bieber) 12/10/2013 at 15:13

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Ahh, gotcha.

I figured it someone like Jalopnik wanted to share it, it might make a difference whether or not it's full of sailor language.

I'll definitely use the guideline for my next story.

Jay Lauer > Turbod-NA-Miata 12/10/2013 at 15:15

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And I could've easily damaged the radiator or a number of suspension parts, shooting my possible damage tab up to four digits, so I'll gladly take what I got. I made a lot of money selling that car anyway, so I'm very pleased with it.

Katsumoto > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 15:18

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LOL, back in my HS days, I rock crawled, mudded, drove through the water behind the car in an 01 Civic lowered on coilovers.

I'd still own that car if a cow wouldn't have been on HWY 62 outside of Altus OK.

Jay Lauer > Katsumoto 12/10/2013 at 15:21

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Don't feel too bad.

A black angus cow destroyed one of my father's old Mach 1s in the middle of the night.

Katsumoto > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 15:23

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Yea, the good part was I slammed on the brake and took alot of front end damage in it, but the cow died.

A week later I had the cow that killed my car for dinner. The farmer said I owned it since I killed it. NOM NOM NOM

Turbod-NA-Miata > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 16:17

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I'm scared to sell mine because I know I'll regret it down the road. I'm trying to use it long enough to justify keeping it as just another toy that I don't drive much when I replace it as the workhorse.

I drive a car because the road feels like passion of gods of excellent excitement > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 16:27

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It could be a vaccuum leak at the DISA valve (which I replaced)...among other things :-(

It was a 6MT and once I got the Vanos fixed it was a joy to drive.

The Subaru isn't as nice a place to live, I without-a-doubt agree with you there. There are so many intricacies about the Subaru that would never have passed German quality control... that seatbelt squeak for one!

But, speaking of codes: as I drove it down the the dealership to trade it in, the brake pad wear sensor came on and I had JUST replaced the sensors and pads a month earlier.

If you have the iPod connect, check your cord to make sure it's not frayed anywhere. Mine was and shorted out on the radio bracket, killed the LCM ($760) and shorted some mess in the dash ($1600). <-That's when I decided enough is enough.

oldgov > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 16:44

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This took place around the time of Ken's first Gymkhana video so yeah...

After laying underneath that car for hours the previous winter replacing the transmission (and center diff a month later) I think I enjoyed flogging on it a little too much that night...

banjo cat ghost of oppo past > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 16:53

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adequate snow tires, a compliant esp button and heated leather made it a groovy car in the winter

The only reason I got away with folding the tire off the rim was because I was like a mile away from the small dealer/ enthusiast that sold it to me an just hobbled over.

Jay Lauer > oldgov 12/10/2013 at 17:02

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Damn, sounds like you haven't exactly had the greatest luck with Subaru reliability. But it's much better than ruining your car parts because of too much camber or 0.00003 in. ground clearance.

Jay Lauer > I drive a car because the road feels like passion of gods of excellent excitement 12/10/2013 at 17:09

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OH MY GOD THAT SQUEAK WAS THE WORST. Silicone Lubricant will get that out if you haven't already.

I wish I had gotten a manual, and I'm still open to getting a manual E46. Luckily, my father owns a mechanic shop, so I can hook up the computer, check codes, and erase them whenever, but that doesn't mean they don't come back in two days.

And, I don't have any iPod connectors, so no worries there. But, I'll look into the DISA valve. The goal was to have a nice Bimmer and flip it for a nice profit, like the Subaru, but I'm already tired of dumping money in it. I'm really leaning towards a Miata or a 944 to buy afterwards.

Jay Lauer > Turbod-NA-Miata 12/10/2013 at 17:12

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Well depending how patient and good you are with tools, you can always find another fixer-upper. I had to do a number of things to make that Subaru look like it did. It was fairly mistreated when I got it.

Jay Lauer > Jay Lauer 12/10/2013 at 17:18

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That's what it looked like after taking off 20 different stupid stickers and chrome bits

And that's from replacing the ridiculous Stage III Clutch he had pit in an otherwise STOCK car.

caddyak > banjo cat ghost of oppo past 12/10/2013 at 17:21

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Mine had the APR 93 octane tune and Carbonio cold air intake. It sounded like a monster and was pretty quick for what it was.

We'd still have it in the family stable, but my brother got rear-ended in Chicago while he was borrowing it.

Now he's got an ATS. You win some, you lose some.

AKBrian > Jay Lauer 12/11/2013 at 02:27

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I think it works pretty well - it does favor the front wheels, but isn't shy about sending power to the rear. It's switchable between 2WD, Auto (2WD w/ RWD engaging when the front slips) or AWD Lock (locks center diff, ensuring rear is always engaged, up to ~36MPH).

The weakness is the inability to throw power to both sides of an axle at the same time and so I often end up spinning two wheels while going nowhere. To be fair, the traction control system can attempt to brake one side to send torque over, but it never seems strong enough to make much of a difference in a real stuck situation.
Suzuki's example:

Some Guy's example:

Some frolicking:

Last vid sets the tone pretty well. It's a small runabout with tough little boots on its feet. Total underdog of a car, and I love it.

AKBrian > Jay Lauer 12/11/2013 at 02:35

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There's another video from the same user (Eric Davis) that has some more snow frolicking in it with his SX4. It's set up almost identically to mine, actually. Full skid plate, driving lights, lift kit, +1 tires, though he's got rock slider rails on his. I'd get some, but I think it'd cost more to ship them to AK than it'd cost to purchase them to begin with.

banjo cat ghost of oppo past > caddyak 12/11/2013 at 09:49

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Wouldve loved that tune..I really took that car to 11 on long country commutes

I drive a car because the road feels like passion of gods of excellent excitement > Jay Lauer 12/11/2013 at 10:09

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I was going to get around to putting some teflon tape there. I thought the lubricant might stain the seatbelts of the wonderful industrial interior.

I can tell you are a true pretrohead. You statement reads "I'll get something fun that I know is reliable.... or dive deeper into the woeful abyss because... car." The 944's price tag inspires me as well, but the Porsche parts cost doesn't give my jimmies much joy.

Jay Lauer > I drive a car because the road feels like passion of gods of excellent excitement 12/11/2013 at 11:16

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The 944 parts cost are surprisingly cheap. It's not Miata cheap, but it's not E46 expensive. The NA 944 is a tad slow, but everything about it feels like a great little sports car, especially for small price. I haven't driven a Turbo, but I do want to. And best of all, even after 25-30 years, it's still got that German quality thump from closing the doors.

It'll just depend on whatever I can get cheap enough to make a profit on.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Jay Lauer 10/08/2014 at 22:47

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"fast curvy roads"? In Kansas?

Jay Lauer > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 10/08/2014 at 22:57

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Out in the country, there's a good bit of curvy dirt roads that I would take just to drift it. There used to be a neighborhood north of Goddard that was just fantastic for it when I did pizzas.

This is central and 183th. West Wichita. I would Ken Block the shit out of that, especially the block-looking bit at the top.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Jay Lauer 10/08/2014 at 23:28

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Holy crap that looks amazing. What's the speed limit around those houses? 30? Probably 45 or so on the block-bit?

Jay Lauer > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 10/08/2014 at 23:34

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Officially, I don't think there is a limit, but I definitely took them going like 40 or so. WRXes are truly great at dirt work, it's almost too easy.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Jay Lauer 10/08/2014 at 23:48

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Don't underestimate the ease of carving dirt in a FWD sedan.

...

it's an understeer-filled adventure

Jay Lauer > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 10/09/2014 at 00:35

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Lol I used to in the Mazda, it wasn't pleasant.

I've been looking for WRXs, preferrably an STi, just to have in the winter again. It's that much fun.